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Grooms Corner:

5 Things You Need to Know to Make a Marriage Last

   by Chris W. Sutton

26 years! That’s how long my wife, Susan, and I have been married. Love. Marriage. Jobs. Births. Deaths. It all happens within the blink of an eye! One minute you have your whole life before you and then the next minute you are looking back on 26 years of marriage. Where DOES the time go?

A marriage relationship is never easy and it takes a lot of work from both sides to make a marriage relationship work. Each individual brings some emotional baggage into the relationship and there’s only so much room in the closet. The key to making a marriage work is to make that baggage fit into the closet.

I am only going to speak to the men in this article because that is the side I know the best. What qualifies me to write an article like this? I know how men think. I know how men feel. I have been married for 26 years to the same woman. I know what it takes to make a marriage work and I am going to let you in on some of the little secrets.

1. Love is not a noun…it is a verb! Love is not some warm, cozy feeling you get when you are with the one you love. That nice feeling is a byproduct of loving someone. Love is NOT something you feel. It is something you DO. Love takes hard work, sacrifice and putting the other person first. Make the effort it takes to make your relationship grow and bloom. Don’t think you can just sit back and watch your relationship as it grows and prospers. It takes focus. It takes dedication. It takes responsibility. It takes ACTION!     
                           Click Here!
   
2. Make sure you understand what she is saying to you! People are brought up from childhood in different ways. We all tend to see things through the filter of our upbringing. Try to understand that what you think she SAYS may not be what she is SAYING! You need to clarify what each is saying to the other by using words like, “What you are saying is….” and repeat back to her what it is you think she is trying to get across to you. You will find, in many cases, you have completely misunderstood what she was saying to you. Misunderstanding is one of the major causes of fights between husband and wife. A little clarification will go a long way in contributing to a happy marriage.
   
   
3. Make sure you do the “little things!” Women notice little things like when you open a door for her, when you smile at her when she looks at you, when you say nice things to her, when you bring her something from the kitchen, etc. We, as men, tend to overlook those things and we take them for granted. Not only do we not do those little things for the women in our lives but we tend to not notice when they do them for us. Do the little things for her and make sure you notice when she does those little things for you.
   
   
4. Make sure you touch her often! Now stop that…you know what I mean! Women love the intimacy that comes from being touched by someone they love. Hold her hand when you are close to her. Put your hand on the small of her back as you open a door and let her enter first. Put your arm around her when you are walking somewhere. Cup her face in your hands and give her a light kiss on the lips. A gentle caress and a light touch will show her that you really care.
   
   
5. Listen to her! When she talks to you that means she wants to tell you something, right? Stop what you are doing and listen to her. Look into her eyes and give her your FULL attention. Don’t try to give her a solution to what she is talking about unless she asks for one. Women are communicators and men are problem-solvers. Let her communicate.

I want you to think about something! You are given only so many years to be on this earth. You can just put your life on auto-pilot and zip through those years, here today and gone tomorrow, or you can live life as life was meant to be lived. You can make every moment a pleasure or you can make every moment a pain.  You can make memories or you can live a nightmare. The choice is yours, you know! Put 100% of your efforts into making her happy. Go out of you way to do the things she enjoys.  Put her on a pedestal. I will make you this promise…you make her happy and she will make you happy, too!

 SEE THE WEDDING CHECKLIST at the Bottom

Financial News

Newlyweds Financial Checklist

Before you get married, or soon after, it pays to have a heart-to-heart about finances.

In just about any long-term relationship, finances will come into play. And in a marriage, managing finances well is essential. Whether you're about to get married or have already tied the knot, it's a good idea to sit down with your partner and discuss money.

With finances, as with many things in life, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. If you and your partner approach your finances in a direct, matter-of-fact way early in the marriage, you'll provide a solid foundation for your relationship, and for your finances, as time goes on.

Financial Talking Points

When you sit down with your fiancé or spouse, begin by sharing the current state of your finances. It's important to be frank and nonjudgmental. Fudging the numbers or concealing certain items from your partner could result in serious problems later. What's important is making sure your plan for going forward is one to which you are both committed. Here are some basics to go over:

• ·       what's important to each of you when it comes to finances
• ·       how you will manage your assets (what to combine, what to keep separate)
• ·       will you use the same bank account? Credit cards?
• ·       how you will deal with differences in income
• ·       how you will manage the payment of expenses
• ·      

Planning for the Future

In your discussion of finances, it's worth discussing future costs, even if you can't know exactly what these will be. Do you plan on buying a house together? Have children? Go on a trip around the world? Move from one city to another? All of these things require significant financial resources. Be sure to discuss the following:

• ·       financial goals are you working toward
• ·       new furniture or toys you will purchase together and own in common
• ·       how to save up to buy a house
• ·       how to plan for having children
• ·       how to fund retirement plans
• ·      

Making a Budget  Click Here!

Start by sitting down with your partner and listing the following.

Income

• Salary or wages
• Business income
• Property income
• Investment income

Assets

• Bank accounts (with balances)
• Investments (stocks, bonds)
• Property

Debts

• School loans
• Mortgages
• Home equity loans
• Business loans
• Credit card debts
• Loans from parents or family

Expenses

• Rent/mortgage
• Utilities
• Food
• Clothing
• Car/transportation
• Support for children from a previous marriage
• Insurance
• Entertainment
• Travel
• Education
• Loan and credit card payments
• Taxes
• Retirement contributions
• Other purchases (household goods, toys, electronics, and so on)

Making Your Financial Relationship Work

Once you've made these lists, consider the following:

• Do you and your partner have enough income to meet your expenses?
• Which assets will you keep separate, and which will you share?
• Which expenses will you keep separate, and which will you share?
• What should you do if one partner isn't meeting his or her expenses?

Whatever your financial situation, it's always better to be open and honest than to be unpleasantly surprised in a moment of stress or crisis.